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Hanging out with Dad again

She looks so Asian sometimes. I think it's when she squeezes her eyes shut.

Love this face :)

Waving to the camera. Or maybe giving gang signs (she does that often)

Being silly

Cute Frank. He's had a hard time adjusting to the new addition.

Holding my own pacifier

So cute sleeping in the bouncy seat

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Sleeping on Daddy's belly

One morning her belly was really big and I knew it would be coming out of one end soon so I didn't want to get her dressed yet. This is my favorite time with her when she is just happy and relaxed and awake.

Just hanging out with socks on my hands

Cute toes

Brynlee's room...

When we got home from the hospital I took Brynlee in her room. She didn't seem too impressed.

Birth story

Again- this is info you may not want to know but I want to remember it.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010:

Went to doctors office for routine appt. Dialated to 3+. Doctor stripped membranes again and said baby looked big and would probably be between 8 and 10 pounds. Between the painful contractions and the thought of pushing out 10 pounds (and the increased risk of a c-section), I started bawling in the doctors office. The doctor also said labor and delivery would call sometime that night to tell us when to come in for the induction. I thought for sure it would have been planned out already, but it depended on how many other patients and nurses they had. It made sense why they would do it that way, but I am a control freak and hate not knowing "when".

For several hours I was in a lot of pain and contemplating going to labor and delivery. I just kept telling myself give it a few more minutes. Eventually the pain lessened. I had spent so much time at home recently that I was going crazy being in our house for much longer. So we went to John's parents house and played Catch Phrase until 10 PM. It was so fun and the hysterical laughter brought on a few more contractions. On our way home I decided to just call labor and delivery and ask if they had any idea what time. They said plan of coming in at 6 AM the next day. I was happy with that so we went to bed. I got up at 4 AM to shower and get all ready. John didn't sleep much that night because of nervousness, but I slept pretty good.

Thursday, November 4, 2010:

I went downstairs to eat breakfast. I thought I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye, but figured it was just my wet hair in my eyes. Then I turned around and a mouse ran from the pantry to behind the fridge. I was freaked out, but didn't want to get too excited. Then a few minutes later I was standing at the sink and a mouse ran around the island and hit my foot. I screamed and was hopping up and down (like a lunatic I'm sure). It circled around my feet for a second, then ran the other way. I backed up and screamed again because Frank (our dog) was standing there and scared me to death. John heard my screaming and thought something horrible had happened (apparantly a mouse running into your foot isn't considered "horrible" to him). I went upstairs and told John I was not coming home from the hospital until that mouse was caught. The worst part is I was pretty sure it was two different mice because they looked different. (It still hasn't been caught by the way)

So we get to the hospital and by 7 AM my IV is started with Pitocin. I was contracting, but not really painful. They increased the Pitocin every half hour. I was dialated to a 4. At 9 AM, the doctor came in and broke my water. That is sure a weird feeling. Before the water broke, I was contracting every 2 minutes and the nurse was amazed I wasn't in severe pain. She kept reminding me about the epidural. I was a little nervous that I would wait too long and it would be too late to get one. But within 5 minutes of the doctor breaking the water, I was in excruciating pain from the contractions. I asked for the epidural and it took a few minutes for the doctor to arrive and get ready. As he's putting the epidural in I was having very painful contractions that didn't seem to stop and the big needles in the back hurt also. After a few more minutes the epidural started to take effect and I felt like I was floating. My legs were completely numb and I felt like they weighed 100 pounds each. I felt sleepy and pain-free, it was great! I slept off and on for a few hours as the Pitocin did it's job. There was a nursing student with the nurse who told me she had to leave at 2 PM so if I could deliver before then that would be great. I told her I would enjoy that too, but it's not going to happen. At 1:15 PM, the nurse checked and said I was fully dialated and effaced and if I started to feel pressure I should let her know. I was amazed things had progressed so rapidly. At about 1:30 she told me to start pushing. Apparantly I am a good pusher... The doctor barely made it to the delivery. After pushing for only about 15 minutes she was out! (Most first time moms push for 1-3 hours). Born at 1:45 PM! They put her on my belly and the nurses were drying her off while the doctor was preparing to cut the cord. I knew something was wrong when she never cried. The nurse told the doctor a few times (each time getting louder and more forceful) to hurry up because she needed to take the baby. Hearing the concern in her voice freaked me out. John hurried and cut the cord and they took her to the warmer. As I was being stitched up and cleaned up- there were several people working on her, trying to get her to breath better and cry. She was breathing on her own, but not enough and her lungs were full of fluid. Usually when the baby is in the birth canal the fluid in their lungs gets pushed out, but since she was only in the birth canal for a short time the fluid didn't have enough time to come out. They sucked out her lungs and gave her oxygen for about 45 minutes in the delivery room, then finally they decided they needed to take her to the transition nursery (near the NICU) for cpap (a machine to force air into her lungs to help her breathe).

I was moved to the mom/baby floor without my baby. Family members took pictures when they could and showed them to me, but it wasn't the same. Finally, a little after 5 PM they brought her to me and I got to hold her and see her for the first time! It was soo good to finally have her in my arms!

Here's what's new

Here's what's new:
Brynlee can hold her own bottle sometimes. Sometimes she also pokes herself in the eye or flips me off while she is doing it, but it's still cute (and helpful).

I'm learning to do a lot of things one-handed while I hold her.

She smiles ALL the time while she is sleeping. She has also laughed in her sleep twice (that we caught). Cutest thing EVER!

I seriously don't want to put her down because I love watching her when her eyes are open and looking around and also love watching her sleep. This makes "sleeping while your baby sleeps" or getting anything else done very difficult.

We had a feeling with Frank (our dog) that he would either lick her to death or he would be scared of her. He was very nervous around her for a while, but is getting better. I know he feels neglected and it's sad to see. He also sometimes acts very protective of us. Last night every time Brynlee made a noise- he came to check on it and followed me around every time I left the room or walked around the room.

She still hasn't gotten the hang of nursing- but I pump and give it to her in a bottle. It's a pain and takes a long time to do both, but it's what's best for her.

Her cheeks are getting chubbier and her chin is getting doubler :)

She is almost too tall for her newborn clothes

We are so thankful for family and friends that have brought us food almost every night since she was born. We will have enough frozen food to last us for a while too. The last thing I want to do is cook these days.

I had no idea that I would be doing baby laundry every few days.

I wish it wasn't so cold outside because I want to go for walks with her everyday. If I walked around the mall I would spend lots of money....

She likes to wait until her diaper is being changed to poop or pee. This results in a mess as you can imagine.

I would love it if clothes would fit me right now.

We love her so much and are so grateful to have her in our lives!

It's been 5 days since Brynlee was born. Time has gone by so fast already. I love her more than anything in the whole world. I'm crying as I type this because I can't stand the thought of anything happening to her. Even though she can sure be challenging (especially at night), I wouldn't trade her for anything.
So far Brynlee-
Hates: Anything to do with being naked- baths, diaper changes, and changing clothes
Loves: Food, being swaddled, stretching her arms and legs, her pacifier most of the time, mommy and daddy, and anyone that wants to hold her

When she sneezes, yawns, stretches, makes funny noises,smiles, and especially when she has her eyes open and looking around- I think it's the cutest thing in the whole world.

She spends a lot of time sleeping, but when she's awake I can't stop looking at her.

We have had a really hard time nursing. She has a different problem everyday and what worked the day before won't work the next. Today we went to the lactation specialist. Apparantly she likes an audience because she did just fine there. She also was doing good by the time we left the hospital (after lots of help), but since getting home she won't latch on.

She has smiled a few times and quite a few half smiles that only last a second. But the best was yesterday when she smiled huge for a few seconds when daddy was putting her pink bracelet on. I was glad we both got to see it.

I love dressing her up in her adorable outfits and finding the perfect bow, flower, or headband to go with the outfit.

It still hasn't quite sunk in that she's my baby and I'm not just babysitting.

Everyone comments that she is just adorable and perfect looking. I was seriously worried that she would be ugly and I would be the only one to think she's cute. But I guess that's not true. Sometimes when she pulls a certain face she looks Asian. I thought I was crazy for thinking that, but her doctor said so without me even asking. I'm not sure where she gets that from.

John has been sick since last week with a really bad cold that has turned into a sinus infection. With him feeling miserable and coughing a lot he hasn't been able to do as much with Brynlee. He sleeps in another room so his coughing doesn't wake her up. It's been frustrating for all of us. Hopefully he will get better soon (and not pass it on to anyone).

Life has been complicated with all sorts of baby stuff that doesn't work. First- her carseat had a latch that broke when getting it out of the base-requiring multiple hands to get it out. John fixed it after a day or two and we will be getting a new one. That was a hassle going to the store on sunday, finding out they can't do anything about it, going online then realizing it was bought more than 90 days ago so normally they won't take it back. But it should work out now.

The bottle warmer we bought makes absolutely no sense. The instructions don't tell you how to use it and it's really frustrating when you have a screaming baby and only cold milk.

I hate the special pillow I got for nursing. It was expensive and seems to only get in the way and not help at all.

It seems everyday there is something else I find I need so we have already spent a lot of time out of the house. It feels good to get out and walk around, but not so good on the stitches in the nether regions.

All in all- having a baby is an emotional roller coaster. It's the best thing, but also the hardest thing in the whole world. Of course I've heard that before and I didn't expect it to be easy, but you really can't know how hard until you experience it for yourself.

I'm thankful I have my baby girl here safe and sound and have lots of amazing, supportive family and friends to help out.

She's here!!!

Announcing the arrival of:

BRYNLEE MARIE MILLER

November 4, 2010

1:45 PM

7 lbs. 1 oz.

19" long

More info to come later.

Pregnancy update

This info is just for me to remember, so don't feel like you have to read it. It's probably more than you wanted to know anyway :)

37 week appointment (October 20th): 2 cm dilated, 60-70 % effaced. Mild contractions off and on.

38 week appointment (October 27th): 3.5 cm dilated. Very painful contractions the night before. Membranes stripped in office. Drank castor oil. Cleaned out my system, but didn't increase contractions any.

October 28th (Thursday): Foot massage (something about reflexology and supposed to induce labor). The worst contractions I've felt and was thinking we would go to hospital. But it was late at night and I was really tired. I laid down thinking that maybe I could sleep a few minutes. I must have been exhausted (not surprising) because I slept the rest of the night (minus the usual getting up 5 times or so).

October 31st (Sunday): Since I hadn't had any contractions since thursday night, I decided she really wanted to stay in there and not keep trying to get her out during the weekend. Besides, I wouldn't want my birthday on Halloween, so decided she probably wouldn't either. But Monday, November 1st would be an okay day, so I drank double the dose of castor oil around 5 PM on Sunday. Caused a few contractions, but that's all. I kept waking up during the night because of pain in my hips and pelvis (I'm guessing they are still widening) and was hoping the hospital would be on the agenda today. But it's not looking good....

So for now, the plan is an induction on thursday, November 4th (39 weeks). The only reason I am allowed to be induced early is because of the severe back pain. It still hurts, but it sure has helped that I'm not working 13 hours a day and when it starts to hurt I can lay down and rest, rather than it just getting so bad that I can't function anymore that day. I have prescriptions for both Lortab and Ambien, but neither help me sleep for more than a few hours at a time (which is what happens without medication too), so I don't really take them anymore. I don't want a baby born addicted to drugs of course.

I thought it would be very appropriate to have a baby today, as last year on November 1st I was running the New York City marathon. This would just be a different kind of marathon :)

I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Very few clothes fit anymore and I'm really hoping the frequent peeing, acid reflux, painful/swollen feet, and back pain will go away (or at least decrease) after this baby is born. And I just want to hold her!

38.5 weeks

(November 1st)

My beautiful swollen feet. They look just as bad in the morning as they do at night. My toe ring looks a little squished, but I won't take it off until I absolutely have to (because I'm pretty sure it will break and it's been on for about 7 years).

Halloween Party 2010

Some of the Halloween-themed food.

I have a bun in the oven and John is the baker. I shouldn't need to explain any more than that.
We won candy bars for our costume. Although I can't take any credit for it because our friend gave us the idea with a picture and John made the "oven".

The rest of the people are friends from our ward


Nobody even recognized the prostitue and her pimp

Bella and Edward

"Frazzled Mom" It's probably at least a little true as she just

had her fourth baby last month

Snooky and the Situation from the tv show Jersey Shore

"Cereal Killers"